What does it take to live a long life? What about a happy, full one? In his May 22 book excerpt, “My neighbor lived to be 109. This is what I learned from him.,” David Von Drehle wrote about his neighbor, Charlie White, a physician who lived to 109.
“I came to realize Charlie was not a survivor,” David wrote. “He was a thriver. He did not just live. He lived joyfully. He was like a magnet, pulling me across the street and into his confidences, where I discovered something about life’s essentials. The sort of something one wants to pass on to one’s children.”
Readers shared their gratitude for a story well told and a life well lived, and some shared what they learned from their long-lived relatives and friends. Here’s a sampling of what they had to say. (Comments have been edited for brevity, clarity and style.)
macrosteles: Everybody needs a Charlie in their lives, and the earlier the better.
khmdesign: We need, now more than ever, to understand life from the perspective of someone who has lived throughout such a transition as has passed in the past century. Changes have happened rapidly during the 20th century. Morality, truth and responsibility never change.
bastet20: My father spent a couple of weeks in the same nursing home as Dr. Charlie White. They sat at the same table for meals. My father lived to be 103. He had dementia. Dr. White and my mother became instant friends, as they were alumni of Northwestern University. My mother lived to be 100 years old and called her own shots until the end. Dr. White told me he could remember everything in his life, except what had happened in the last year. He told us about the elevator tragedy. That his daughter who lived across the street from his house was 85. His girlfriend also lived in that nursing home. Her son was a well-known actor. He thought of her son the same as his own son. Sometimes, when I’d see performances by that actor, I wondered if he was channeling Charlie White. To say the least, he was memorable. My mother died this year. I feel a bit lighter hearted to remember her chatting away with Dr. White. He was a true gentleman.
Noah52: Success is not measured in how much money you make or how long you live but in how much you love and are loved by those who really know you.
JMBird: I was out driving one morning, listening to Von Drehle being interviewed about this book on “Morning Joe” I had to stop and pull out my small notepad that I keep for such moments, and wrote down his name and Dr. Charlie White. Later, when I came home I turned on my computer and opened The Post, there, right at my fingertips, was this essay. Luck indeed. I’m 79, a ways off 109, but having purpose and trying to live like Dr. White has made being 79 quite easy. I avoid all elevators.
mikish: How fortunate Von Drehle was to know Charlie and to be able to pass along his thoughts on living. I wish that I, too, had known him and talked to him about his life.
Rational Texan: Charlie is a man who “rolled with the punches” and seized opportunity and missed some, too. Such is life. In my 70th year, I, too, realize that each moment of life is a gift and that at any time it can be over. Be grateful every single day and be a contributor not a taker. Tell everyone you love that you love them frequently and show them by your kindness. It’s a lot harder than it sounds, isn’t it?
LuccasDad: My friend Charles turns 93 in a couple of weeks. Via text message last week, he invited me to join him for dinner. My Charles is a very classy, optimistic, gregarious man of the world. Refusing to engage in what he calls “organ recital” when asked about his health, he adjusts the conversation with, “I’ve had such a remarkable life. Did I ever tell you about the time …” If I can have a measure of his spirit, I will consider my life well lived.
Franciscan: My grandfather lived to be 100. He didn’t know anything about the Stoics. In fact, I have no idea how much education he had. He lived through the Depression, a terrible family feud about property, a son in the Pacific theater in World War II and the loss of the genuine love of his life 40 years before he died.
He had neighbors, a community, faith and love. He is still an inspiration to his 50 grandchildren because of the joy he took from every day, and his refusal to involve himself in any family drama, ever, because he had seen the terrible cost. He walked every day to the grocery and the post office. In the spring, summer and autumn afternoons, he would sit on his porch and wave at everyone who passed by — on foot or in a pickup. “How you doin’, Willie?” They asked, even though they knew Willie was fine.
I grew up in California but was either lucky or graced to make time to go back to that porch in the Midwest and stay with him. One of the last times I saw him, he played with a butterfly on that porch with his cane and laughed.
He was beloved. Graced.
But he understood that there is no plan for any of our lives. My grandfather had infinite compassion for people who did not live a graced life. He knew people who lived exactly the way he did and died in despair.
It’s somewhat cruel to suggest that there is a formula. There is not.
Person12n3: The secret of living to an old age is not complicated, and I think most everyone already knows it: enough money to not have to worry about the basics — housing, food, clothes, medical care — and yet more than that, too, enough money to feel secure not just physically, but socially; a sense of belonging and purpose; and a sense of agency, an understanding that what you do actually matters and you have the authority and autonomy to do it.
elbrujo: A long life requires that we learn to adapt and change. Health and genetics play a larger role, but we work with what we are given. The road is long, so a lightened load helps, as well. Unnecessary baggage will make the journey less rewarding. Make new friends, learn new skills and accept fear as a confidante not as a guide. Death is just the doorway into an experience we cannot avoid forever.
kittymominatlanta: Tears were streaming down my face while reading about Charlie’s poignant, life-affirming credos and his mother’s simplistic moral imperative to “do the right thing.” Though the “right thing” might not always be evident, I can’t help but wish that the identification of it was always our guiding purpose and wonder if following that directive alone was the secret to Charlie’s 109 years. Perhaps his belief that he could reach 109 also contributed to his success in doing so. Thank you, Mr. Von Drehle, for this inspirational piece!
NFD_me: I was lucky to have a grandfather who made it to 102, born in 1888 with a photographic memory. He was also a doctor, who believed in moderation in all things, particularly diet. It was sometimes rough having someone who always knew the facts exactly (as did my uncle), but I learned that if I disagreed, I better have a solid background of the issue.
He shared a few stories of his life, but his usual response when asked about his past was, “My past doesn’t matter! Focus on the future!” I still wish he’d told me more, but I’m fortunate he told what he did and for the memories we made. When he died, I felt my timeline snap, my connection to the 1800s lost. I still carry him though.
She Who Herdeth Cats: My parents had a lovely friend who lived to be 106. I don’t know if she had as eventful a life as Charlie, but I do believe she practiced the same values he did. My favorite memory of her is when she has reached her 100th birthday and was being interviewed by a local newscaster. He asked her, of course, to what she attributed her long life, and she looked at him like he was some kind of idiot and said, “Well, I just didn’t die!” We all laughed ourselves silly at that one. It was so her. Everyone loved her. She lived on her own until she was 103.
Julie Richardson: Charlie reminds of my grandfather, who was born in Ohio in 1901 and died in 2002 at 101 years old. Very stoic-minded. When anyone asked him how he was, he always answered “fantastic.” He said no one expects that. My father was the same way. Do your best. Always tell the truth. The only dumb question is the one not asked. You can be anything you want in this country, even president. Education is never a waste. I always felt growing up that he was a little too stoic because he wasn’t the most emotional man, but I find myself always recalling his bits of wisdom. I understand now that any life is always made up of a series of small choices and decisions that we make every day. I made a lot of really bad mistakes in my teens and 20s and I am grateful now that I had parents who did not spoil or shame me.
SLPmama: What a beautiful story! Charlie reminded me of my grandfather, Ray, who lived to be 108. He was born in 1899, was 13 when the Titanic sank, helped his widowed mom tend to the farm during World War I, witnessed roads being paved, automobiles being built, went in partnership with a friend to own the first airport in Ogdensburg, N.Y., hired a daredevil pilot to give plane rides over the St. Lawrence River and farmland. He wrote poetry, was a Mason for 80-plus years, and was treated like a local celebrity by the editor of the Ogdensburg Journal.
He kept his brain sharp by listening to audiobooks. I remember when visiting him once, he had been listening to a book about Darwin’s discoveries and his theory of evolution. He was quite the conversationalist, and I regret not recording his stories. Grandpa was self-educated and unable to go to college because he was helping with the farm. He once told me he would have loved to become an engineer. He marveled at the changes in our world and country.
Maizuru: Oh, how this recounting of a life well and fully lived reminds me of my father, who loved to tell folks that he was a proud stoic! What a gift he gave us and I proudly say I am a stoic. In my 70s, I concur that I have simplified my life and returned to the joy, amazement and fun I remember best from a curiosity-driven childhood. Thanks for a rollicking story of another amazing man.
Cubby_Michael: Thanks for sharing the story of Charlie’s life and the philosophies that guided him through it all. The key takeaway for me from this is to know that change is inevitable and to look forward rather than backward as we get older. I really appreciated reading this, as he seemed like quite a nice, thoughtful and kind man who loved life and kept moving forward to the very end.
Southern_Stoney: My great-grandfather lived to 103. His son lived to 92. Neither had any bad health-related habits and were lifelong learners and worked up until six months before they died. Neither was athletic, and both led fairly sedentary lives.
This is what I learned: 1) Good genes are essential. 2) Avoid bad habits and excessive behaviors. 3) Have something to do that provides a sense of purpose and belonging. 4) Enjoy what you can and avoid toxic people and situations. Everything else comes down to luck: Good luck or bad luck.
Live long and prosper.
Capt_Obvious: We get a gift with a little time and space. What can we make with what we are given?